Camp Olympus
by Fishpony
Summary: The Titans have finally gotten revenge on the gods. They have been banished to…summer camp? Can they survive? Will the goddesses ever get along? Can they survive 10,000 years of camp food and latrines? All gods are teenagers.
1. I Can't Wait Till 12010

**Disclaimer: I'm not sure if the people who wrote this stuff have any claim to it anymore but whatever. I don't own Greek Mythology.**

**I Can't Wait Till 12010:**

"Well this stinks." Aphrodite whined. They were on a slow boat to nowhere. Northern Maine to be exact. "Are we even going to have cable there?" She pried. The Titan guards just grunted in response. She sniffed and flipped her long blond curls, "How rude."

"Why don't you stop being so self absorbed and suck it up?" Athena suggested. She was not in a good mood. Probably due to having her butt kicked in the Titan War 2. Their performance had been, to put it kindly, disgraceful.

"Why don't you go like, read or something?" Aphrodite huffed. She didn't want to have to stay somewhere in _nature. _Especially not with Athena. She was no fun.

Athena rolled her eyes. Aphrodite was such an airhead. It was very annoying how none of the other Olympians were taking this seriously. Apollo was trying to flirt with some pretty mermaids and Demeter looked infuriatingly optimistic. Tree hugger. Zeus and Poseidon were having one of their brotherly arguments. By brotherly she meant stupid. Poseidon was trying to make Zeus seasick.

"I'm rocking the boat! I'm rocking the boat!" Poseidon yelled. Someone else should have been put in charge of the earth's oceans. Having stupid people with sea powers was kind of scary. Who knew what could happen? Take Atlantis for example…

"Curse you!" Zeus shouted.

"You look green. Maybe you need some more rocking to alleviate the symptoms!" Poseidon whooped gleefully.

"…"

"Gross! We need a mop over here!" Poseidon called. Idiots.

When the Olympians finally reached the (random) camp in a (random) forest in Maine they were all at each other's throats. There had been approximately 20 lightning related incidents and Ares had to be put in a straightjacket after he caught Apollo and Aphrodite making out in the bathroom.

After waiting outside the mess hall for ten minutes everyone was getting antsy again. "Are we alone here?" Hermes asked, "Because if we are I'm raiding the refrigerator." If there was anyone stupider than Poseidon it was Hermes. You'd think the god of thieves would have to be smart. His head had probably slammed into a wall safe at some point in his life.

"I'm bored. Who wants to go hunting for poison ivy?" Demeter asked clapping her hands. Unsurprisingly no one raised their hand.

"Actually that would be a great idea. You can line your _beds _with it!" Said a strikingly familiar voice. Everyone turned, and then blinked. A very tall buff figure wearing a camouflage jacket and hiking boots stood before them.

"Oh, it's you." Hera said snootily. She flipped her mahogany hair cockily.

"You bet it's me! Do think it's funny to force someone to hold up the sky for all eternity!?" Atlas yelled. This was going to be fun. Athena had to give credit to the one who had put a Titan who hated their guts in charge of their camp. Smart move.

"I do! It was my idea!" Hermes laughed. Probably not the best thing to say.

"So I see you've met the camp's enforcer of rules and punishment." Said another really familiar voice. I guy in a lab coat stood in front of them looking intelligent.

"Ooh I know this one! Don't tell me! Don't tell me," Aphrodite squealed. Then her face went blank, "Who are you?"

Athena slapped her forehead, "He's Prometheus you moron!" Prometheus had, unsurprisingly, sided with the other Titans in the second Titan war. You didn't make friends by sicing a vulture after them.

"I knew it!" Aphrodite declared. Athena just shook her head.

"Exactly. I'm the camp director." Prometheus said.

Dionysus elbowed Zeus, "Isn't he that guy you chained to a rock with vultures pecking at his liver?"

Zeus looked nervous, "Don't remind him! Maybe he forgot!"

Prometheus clutched at his torso, "Liver pains! Nurse!" A very pretty Titan girl ran out in a little nurse hat carrying a jar of pills.

Hermes winked at her flirtatiously, "Hey baby. Why don't you come over to my cabin later? We can talk about… stuff." After administering the pain medication the pretty Titaness walked coolly up to Hermes and slapped him.

"You have no idea who I am, do you?" She asked.

"Not really no." He admitted.

"I'm Calypso. That girl you and your buddies imprisoned on an island in the middle of nowhere!" She growled, her beautiful blond hair and full lips didn't look as attractive now.

"Oh that's where I know you from!" Hermes exclaimed. Calypso slapped him again.

Prometheus clapped his hands, "Well anyway you'll all be happy campers for the next 10,000 years! Atlas will now split you up into two teams."

Atlas growled, "Zeus, Hermes, Demeter, Athena, Ares, and Hephaestus are on one team, Poseidon, Aphrodite, Dionysus, Hera, Apollo, and Artemis are on the other. Team number one will now be known as the Fantastic Freaks and team number two is the X-Losers!"

"I want to be a Fantastic Freak!" Aphrodite complained, looking wistfully at Ares.

Apollo put his arm around her, "It's okay baby. You still have Mr. Heatmiser."

Hephaestus lost it, "When will this nightmare end!?' He wailed.

"In 12010." Calypso laughed evilly.


	2. Where's My Swimsuit?

**AN: The last chapter was purposefully wordy. This one is less talk and more action.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Greek mythology, I am still at a loss to who does**

**Where's my Swimsuit?:**

Athena glared into space. She had been up since 11:00 PM. It sort of sucked being in a cabin with only one other girl. Ares snored, Hephaestus drooled, and Hermes talked in his sleep. Well at least it was only 5:30 in the morning. She still had a couple more hours to sleep. Zeus started to thrash around in his bunk bed over her's. _Whose stupid idea was it to put guys and girls in the same cabin? _

Suddenly Zeus fell out of bed and started to walk out of the cabin. Athena mentally slapped him but it had no effect. He was heading toward the X-Loser's cabin. Athena ran after him, "Do you have to stalk Hera every minute of the day?" She hissed.

"Hotmazing, hmm." He mumbled. Then he woke up, "Where the Hades am I? And what are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to save your sorry butt!" Athena whispered angrily, "Come on let's get back to our cabin."

"Sure whatever. But I hope you realize I could have saved my own sorry butt." Zeus snorted. The two of them started to run back to their cabin. They were so close. But their dreams of a peaceful sleep were shattered when they were dwarfed by an enormous shadow.

"You're going to need an _ambulance_ to save your sorry butts for getting out of your cabin before 6:00!" Atlas bellowed. Zeus gagged, _somebody _had morning breath.

Athena crossed her arms across her chest, "I don't remember that being a rule."

"It is now! Drop and give me 5,000!" Atlas raged.

"5,000 what?" Zeus asked.

_Later at mess hall:_

"Oh my gosh! I can't eat this…mystery meat! I'm a vegetarian!" Aphrodite complained. The mess hall frankly, lived up to its name. The roof was caving in, the paint was peeling off the walls, and termites were eating at the tables and benches.

"As much as I hate to agree with Prissy von Princess," Artemis grumbled, "The food looks like the stuff under Apollo's bed."

Hera pushed away her plate of goop drowning in gravy, "You can't make me eat this!" The food must have felt the same way. It slowly started to ooze its way off the plate across the table. Dionysus stared in horror.

Zeus flexed his muscles and winked at Hera, "How about a side order of me instead?"

Hera glared at him, "How about a cow pie in your bed?" Prometheus blew the camp trumpet to call everyone to order. Hermes gave a mock salute. Atlas growled.

"You have ten minutes to get ready for your first camp activity. I suggest you put on your swim suits and go down to the lake." Prometheus announced.

"Are we all going to get tans together? Because I know someone who really needs one," Aphrodite glanced at Athena, "I'm sure that if you did something to yourself you'd have a boyfriend in no time." A chilly silence filled the mess hall. If there is one thing you must never do it's mentioning Athena's single status.

Athena's gray eyes were like steel daggers, "What about virgin goddess don't you understand?"

Aphrodite shrugged, "I didn't say anything about a virgin goddess I just said boyfriend."

Hermes laughed nervously, "See you by lake," he winked at Calypso, "I bet you can't wait to see me topless."

_Ten minutes later at the lake:_

"Okay campers! Your first camp game is to…fetch my car keys from the bottom of the lake!" Prometheus yelled into a megaphone. Everyone looked confused.

"Seriously?" Artemis asked.

"That's it?" Poseidon scoffed. Being the god of the sea had its advantages.

"What kind of car do you have?" Hephaestus inquired.

Atlas rolled his eyes as Prometheus raised his megaphone to answer, "Yes, I accidently dropped my car keys in the lake and I need them back. Er…yes. Mercedes. The team that successfully retrieves them gets an extra smore or something. Go!"

Poseidon ran down the dock, "Booya! Go X-Losers!" He plunged into the water, "Sweet mother it's cold!"

Athena stood in her one piece bathing suit, "We need a plan of action people!"

Demeter sighed, "What's the point? We lost already anyway."

"I could electrocute Poseidon when he gets out of the water." Zeus offered. The other members of the Fantastic Freaks voiced their approval.

Athena just glared, "Prometheus is obviously not telling us something. The game is too easy. There's something fishy about that lake, no pun intended. I wonder what it is." As if in answer to Athena's question a roar came from the center of the lake. Poseidon froze. A big scaly head reared up from the water. It opened its mouth and hissed showing rows of sharpened teeth.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that somehow our crummy little lake is connected to Loch Ness!" Prometheus called. "Good luck!"

Athena threw up her hands, "That doesn't even make sense!"

"You guys supposedly don't even exist. Don't question!" Prometheus replied.

Poseidon paddled back to shore at such speed that would have made Michael Phelps cry. "I'm safe! Safe!"

Aphrodite leaned out over the dock, "Hey! I see the car keys!" She reached for them and promptly fell in. "I can't swim!" She screamed. The Loch Ness monster turned and grinned toothily.

"How can you not swim? You were born from sea foam! Idiot!" Athena yelled.

"No! I'm coming for you babe!" Ares called. He dived into the lake. Right in front of the Loch Ness monster. "You want a piece of my girlfriend? Well you'll have to go through me!"

(This part has been omitted due to violent content unfit for a T rating)

"Wow…" Demeter muttered.

"That was better than a slasher film!" Hermes gasped. The lake was stained red and Ares was standing in chest deep water carrying Aphrodite in his buff arms. Aphrodite clasped the keys in her hands.

"Um…I have no idea who won that game. Extra smores for everybody! Go change!" Prometheus yelled.

"I would but, I think I lost my swimsuit." Ares said hesitantly.

(This part has also been omitted due to gross content unfit for a T rating)


	3. Stinks a Big One

**Disclaimer: I do not own Greek Mythology.**

**AN: I 'm going to be sort of twisting things around with mythology. I didn't really want to go into Zeus being a dad when I made then all the same age so I changed the throwing Hephaestus off Olympus thing. **

**Skunks, Car keys and Baseball Bats Oh My**

The mess hall was filled with chatter at lunchtime. Everybody was still hyped up due to the Loch Ness monster in the lake thing. "That was so cool! Well not the almost dying thing, that sort of sucked." Aphrodite babbled.

Poseidon puffed out his chest, "I could teach how to swim if you want." He offered. Aphrodite squealed happily.

"Where is Ares anyway?" Artemis asked. No one had seen him since the bathing suit mishap.

"Oh he went to go see Nurse Calypso to get medicine for all his gaping wounds." Athena replied looking down at her food. Lunch wasn't much better than breakfast.

"Lucky. I hope I get hurt so I can go see Calypso!" Hermes exclaimed pounding the table with his fist.

"She'd probably shove a needle up your…" Athena was interrupted by Prometheus with his trusty megaphone.

"All campers report to the porch in front of the mess hall!" The mess hall porch is facing the woods. The woods were dark, creepy and filled with twisty plants and savage animals.

"Okay, since you finished our game earlier today very easily we organized another game. It's called, Find-the Car-Keys-in-the-Woods." Prometheus yelled through the megaphone.

"Dude, we can all hear you fine." Zeus grumbled.

"But I have the car keys right here." Aphrodite said confused, holding them up. Quick as a flash Atlas snatched the keys and hurled them with all his might into the woods.

"Now you don't!" Atlas bellowed. Aphrodite pouted.

"You have until dinner to find the keys. If you leave the forest for any reason Atlas is allowed to throw you into the lake dipped in barbeque sauce," Prometheus declared. Then Atlas pulled eleven baseball bats out from under the porch, Ares was sitting this game out, "And because some of the animals in the woods are to put it nicely insanely vicious, bloodthirsty and just plain lethal you will be armed. The team that does not find the keys has to spend the night out in the woods. The game starts now." Prometheus finished. There was a mad rush for baseball bats and everyone ran for the forest.

Team Fantastic Freaks: Zeus, Hermes, Demeter, Athena, and Hephaestus

Team X-Losers: Poseidon, Aphrodite, Dionysus, Hera, Apollo, and Artemis

"Whoohoo! Alone with nature until dinner! Wouldn't it be fun if we lost and got to spend the whole _night _in the wilderness?" Demeter asked gleefully.

"Shut up you're jinxing us!" Hermes yelled.

_Five minutes later at the Fantastic Freak's base camp: _

"So here's the plan. Zeus and Hephaestus take the east half of the forest. Hermes and I will take the west half and Demeter will just run everywhere." Athena proposed.

"Good with me!" Demeter agreed.

"Move out!" Athena shouted.

Hermes saluted, "Yes General."

_The X-Loser's base camp:_

"Here's our plan. We look for the key." Poseidon proposed.

"Yeah!" Dionysus and Apollo high fived. Aphrodite skipped out of the "camp" with her bat swung over her shoulder.

"If I was a key where would I hide?" She mused.

Artemis rolled her eyes, "I'm goddess of the hunt. I can find those stupid keys." She jogged off at a steady pace. This was going to be easy.

_In another part of the woods:_

"Hephaestus could you try to keep up?" Zeus asked a little annoyed. They hadn't walked very far and he did not want to run out of time and have his brother's team get the keys instead.

"It ain't my fault my leg is all busted up!" He snapped. Then he narrowed his eyes, "Actually it's your fault!"

Zeus blinked outraged, "How was it my fault!?" He exclaimed.

Hephaestus snorted, "You're the one who threw a dollar off Mt Olympus and told me that my powers would protect me from getting injured if I jumped off to go get it!"

"I was six!" Zeus protested. He raised his baseball bat threateningly, "And I have brief moments of insanity when I'm not responsible for my actions, like right now!"

Hephaestus raised his bat as well, "Bring it on airbender!"

_In another part of the woods:_

Artemis scaled a tree easily. The keys were in sight, lodged in a branch of a huge oak. But soon she would have them and this stupid game would be over. She crawled across the branch carefully. Just a little closer…closer. "Shree!" A huge eagle swooped down and grabbed the keys in its talons. It flapped out of sight.

"Of come on!" Artemis screamed. She waved her fist in the air, thus losing her balance, "Aahhh!" She hit the ground with a thump.

_In yet another part of the woods:_

"This game is hard. And this bat is too heavy." Aphrodite complained. Her shoes were all muddy and her hair had bits of twigs and leaves sticking in it. She spotted something shiny on the ground and gasped.

"I found the key!" She cried out. She tossed her bat into the bushes and got down on her knees to grab the shiny thing. It was just a broken piece of glass. Aphrodite felt momentary disappointment and then took out her lipstick and mascara and started touching up on her lipstick. She was distracted by a rustling noise from the bushes. She turned and turned pale with fear.

Four skunks emerged from the bushes; one of them was sporting a very large lump on its head. They were not happy looking critters. Aphrodite gulped, "Nice little skunks." The skunks turned and did what skunks do best.


	4. No pain No Calypso

**Disclaimer: Apparently I don't own Greek Mythology. Shocking right?**

**No Pain No Calypso:**

Artemis was crawling slowly away from the tree after her fall. "Why didn't I volunteer to be goddess of healing? Why did I let Apollo take the job? Stupid!" She muttered. Now she just looked pathetic and weak. "Goddess of the hunt and wild things my…"

Just than Demeter burst through the trees. She saw Artemis and was babbling to her before she could limp away, "Oh my gosh, did you fall out of that tree? How clumsy of you!"

Artemis gritted her teeth, "It was a fifty foot tree." Just because she was an immortal goddess didn't mean she was impervious from falls from that height.

Demeter waved her hand like she was beating away a flock of insects, "Oh that's nothing! Have you every fallen from one of those redwoods in California? Now _that _was gnarly. Then there was this one time when some loggers wanted to cut down my favorite pine tree in Canada so I tied myself to its trunk and didn't move for three days! Those termites can bite hard but it was still fun you know! Like, I love helping the environment!"

Artemis grunted, "Umm that's great but do you mind like, getting help so that I can go get those stupid car keys?" Listening to Demeter ramble about her hippie activities was giving her a headache.

Demeter didn't seem to have heard, "Isn't it odd that you're the goddess of the wilderness and I'm the goddess of agriculture and here we are talking to each other? That is so groovy! You know we should hang out sometime. How about Saturday we could go to like, the craft tent or something!"

Artemis laid her head on the ground, "At times like this is when I honestly wish I could die."

_Zeus's and Hephaestus's fight scene:_

"I think I'm dead." Zeus muttered. The air was still crackling with electricity and a rather large circle of the forest had been smashed.

"We can't die. Idiot!" Hephaestus muttered. This was all Zeus's fault. If he hadn't forced him into this barbaric fight they wouldn't be lying on the ground mortally wounded and now he was more deformed than before. How was Aphrodite gonna like him now?

"Well I didn't know that baseball bats hurt so much!" Zeus gasped. He was no Athena but he had a feeling his foot shouldn't be touching his earlobe.

"Next time we solve fights the manly way," Hephaestus grumbled, "Rock paper scissors!"

_Back to Long Lost Athena and Hermes:_

"Two hours and no car keys." Athena grumbled. This was possibly the stupidest thing she'd ever done. Wandering in a thick muddy forest was the easy part she was a tomboy after all, but with _Hermes? _She had underestimated his stupidity. She had thought that him trading Zeus's lightning bolt for Kronos's supposed 'super cookie' had been a fluke but it now seemed that he was just an idiot.

"I want to impress Calypso so she'll like me. So I was thinking that maybe I could take my boxers and put them in the shape of a big heart in front of her little cabin." Hermes grinned. Athena shuddered at the thought. Poor poor Calypso.

Athena rubbed her temple, "Hermes. Why are you asking me this?"

Hermes looked surprised by the question. Then he scratched his head, "You're a girl and Calypso's a girl. Girls think alike right?"

Athena's look was murderous. Ten thousand marshmallows would've roasted in the heat of her glare, "Do you want to repeat that?" Anyone who said that Aphrodite and her had the same thoughts was going down!

Hermes gulped, "No." Maybe he was smarter than she thought.

A voice came over a hidden loud speaker, "It's time to relinquish the car keys. And limp to the infirmary if you can." Prometheus's voice blasted.

Zeus, Hephaestus and Artemis had to be hauled out of the woods on stretchers, for once in her life no one wanted to be near Aphrodite, and Dionysus had been found in the fetal position muttering, "Wine…" And no one had the car keys.

Hermes pouted and complained, "How come everyone _else_ got injured? That is so not fair! I wanted to marry er…be treated by Calypso!"

Prometheus looked disappointed, "So nobody was able to find the keys? You're all burdens on society."

Poseidon rolled his eyes, "Bite me."

"Since the X-Losers have the least number of team members critically injured I guess they win." Prometheus finished. This was greeted by whoops from the X-Losers but on the Fantastic Freak's team Athena brandished her baseball bat menacingly.

"If you're going to hospitalize anyone make it Hermes, he wants it." Demeter said, backing up. Just then an eagle swooped down out of the sky. It had realized that the metal instruments were no good to eat and dropped them. The car keys landed by Athena's feet. She gasped and picked them up and held them like a trophy.

"Never mind. The Fantastic Freaks win." Prometheus corrected. "I hoped you packed some thermal underwear X-Losers. I hear the temperature in the woods gets down to -20 degrees at night. Who am I kidding, I engineered it like that."

**AN: Did you catch how the gods lost the war? All Hermes's fault. Now I have an announcement to make. I need challenge ideas! I have one more but I need that for later. I need challenge ideas and possible odd hook ups. Like ApolloXDemeter (not that I'd ever use that) so I can make the next chapter. **


	5. A Tail of Two Plans

**Disclaimer: The po-po finally caught me…I don't own Greek Mythology.**

**A Tale of Two Plans: **

"So you want me to use my umm… 'Match making abilities' to further torment the poor campers who have no choice in being here?" Eros asked Atlas skeptically. Atlas had demanded this secret meeting in an attempt to make the god's lives miserable. They were hiding in an emergency supply closet in the infirmary. What Prometheus didn't know couldn't hurt him right?

"Exactly! And make them odd torturous relationships that would never work out in the long run!" Atlas raved eagerly. Eros looked him in the eye. This would have been hard since he was only four feet tall if not for his wings.

"This is all about getting the gods back for making you hold up the sky isn't it?" Eros asked, perching on a stack of band aids.

"Of course! Do you know how many hot & cold packs, Tylenol, and massages it takes to get all the aches and pains out of your back after holding up the sky for a couple millennia?" Atlas bellowed, his left eye twitching. Eros studied him some more. He was crazy, his whole plan was crazy. But he could use some more drachmas in his pocket and besides, face lifts and liposuctions didn't pay for themselves. Then Psyche was always out buying new dresses and stupid porcelain cats.

"Okay. I'll take the job." He said finally. They shook on it and Eros was about to poof away when the door swung open. A pretty girl in a nurse's outfit was standing there looking surprised.

"Calypso! What are you doing here?" Atlas shouted. His face was as red as a tomato and Eros was busy checking Calypso out, just because he was the god of love, she was single, and he liked to have intellectual conversations with pretty women...

"Ares stabbed Hephaestus with a pair of scissors in the arts and craft cabin. I was looking for some antiseptic but it seems like you two are busy and want to be alone." Calypso said sarcastically. She closed the door rather roughly and a box of rectal thermometers fell on Atlas's head, used ones.

He gritted his teeth, "And make sure you get her too."

*********

Team Fantastic Freaks: Zeus, Hermes, Demeter, Athena, and Hephaestus

Team X-Losers: Poseidon, Aphrodite, Dionysus, Hera, Apollo, and Artemis

"So I think I've got Hera." Zeus bragged to the other guys. It was lunch time and Ares once again had been put in a straight jacket and was being force fed by a not so happy Calypso.

"Really how!" Hermes asked in awe. If Zeus would give away the secret of his manly charm he could use it on Calypso.

"Well you know that time when I was battling Typhon? I showed her my gruesome battle scars and she fell over completely overwhelmed." Zeus claimed proudly. Aphrodite shrieked in horror and clapped her hand over her mouth. You never show your crush your scars until you're married and they can't do anything about it!

"Yeah. I think she fainted in disgust Lover boy." Dionysus said rolling his eyes. He remembered Zeus's previous relationships. The scar thing had driven every single one off.

"What you need to do is write pretty poetry on pink lacey paper and then give it to her." Aphrodite exclaimed folding her hands.

Zeus was not disheartened, "Apollo! You're my new love poetry writer!"

Apollo threw his tray of gray slop behind him, hitting Demeter in the back of the head. "Yes! If I get some benefits, like sick days, accident insurance, two weeks' vacation with pay, and maternity leave…forget that last one."

"Why would you need accident insurance? You're writing love poetry!" Athena exploded. This was too much.

Apollo crossed his arms, "I could get a paper cut." He said making a pouting face. Zeus passed him a piece of paper. Apollo started to work immediately, "To my beautiful Hera, your bright eyes are made of plasma. Your lovely locks are fabulousa, for any other woman I have no care…a."

"Okay…I'm trying to say this in the nicest way possible, that poem _sucked_." Dionysus exclaimed.

Artemis nodded in agreement, "William Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, and Dr. Seuss are all rolling in their graves."

Aphrodite batted her eyelashes flirtatiously, "Well I thought it was sweet!"

Apollo grabbed her hand and kissed it, "And I think you're sweet!"

Artemis rose from the table, "And I think I'm going to barf!" She was extremely annoyed that Apollo never listened to her. Now he was Zeus's 'love poetry writer'. She had a feeling that this was based mainly on the fact that Apollo was still jealous that Hermes won the coveted 'messenger of the gods' title. This could only end badly. She would have to get Athena's advice later. Her brow wrinkled. Why did she have to get Athena's advice? She was perfectly capable of creating her own plan of action. In fact cunning was just another unknown trait of hers. Everything about her was unknown. The only legend about her was the one where she turned that Peeping Tom into a deer, and if some guy was spying on you naked you would be pretty annoyed.

A lot of the goddesses had little to no acknowledgement. But not anymore…Artemis sprang to her feet to tell Hera her master plan. Maybe Demeter too. An even better plan would be to get the little known gods involved. Hello Dionysus and Hephaestus. From now on it was no more Miss. Nice Goddess. This was gonna be big.

**AN: This is a shorter chapter than it was supposed to be. But it was really long before. It had to be split in two. Keep sending me plot ideas and possible weird pairings. Here are some I plan to use, Artemis & Poseidon, Hera & Dionysus, Zeus & Calypso, and Hermes & Aphrodite. Anymore for later in the story are welcome.**


	6. Let's Play a Love Game

**Disclaimer: I do not own Greek Mythology**

**AN: I know what you're all thinking, where are Hades and Persephone? They're not at camp…yet. Don't worry I'll bring them in soon.**

**Let's Play a Love Game:**

Eros cocked his boy as he aimed it at the heart of the unsuspecting girl. Hera was with another guy who was…wow Dionysus, this would be weird couple. Wait, why were they together in the first place? Maybe Hera was chewing him out for drinking all of Atlas's beer. That must be it. They couldn't be like, already a couple or anything.

"So…Artemis says we have to go out with each other." Hera mumbled reluctantly.

"Umbfmfgxdf." Dionysus muttered incomprehensibly. If there had been a police officer nearby he would have arrested him for drunk driving, disturbing the peace and basically anything that had to do with alcohol.

Hera threw her hands in the air and got to her feet, "You know what? I can't do this. I'll just go tell Artemis that this isn't going to work. I can put up with Zeus, and you need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and…" Hera gasped. She had been struck be Eros's golden arrows. That drunken slob in front of her turned into the most handsome hunk of man in the world. She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously, "You know…I find your eternal drunkenness very _attractive._"

Dionysus, who was hit with a golden arrow a few seconds before Hera's comment, tried to muster a good pick-up line, "And you smell…purple." Hera squealed with glee.

Zeus was taking Hera's new hook-up with Dionysus really hard. He had locked himself in the latrine and had been singing love songs for the past few hours, "Baby come back!" He wailed. Another glass window on the mess hall shattered.

The goddesses were swimming in lake. Every since Ares had beaten the crap out of the Loch Ness monster it had been very peaceful there. Sure it had the habit of staining your swimsuit red whenever you took a dive but whatever, red is the new black.

Demeter covered her ears, "Yikes! Even yellow-bellied sapsuckers can sing better than him!"

Aphrodite was sunning herself on the beach, "It's so sad that Hera isn't grateful of Zeus's wooing. He could do _so _much better than her!"

Artemis broke through the surface of the water, "What are you talking about? Hera can do whatever she wants. Just because she doesn't want to go out with a player doesn't mean she is ungrateful."

Aphrodite waved her words away, "I don't think you know what you're saying. I mean you're in the woods all the time with like…_bugs _and stuff so it's not like you've had any experience in the love department."

That was the queue Poseidon was looking for. He ran down the dock in slow motion like some hunky lifeguard in a movie. He reached the edge of the dock and struck a heroic pose.

Artemis winced; he was overdoing this a little too much.

Poseidon pulled out a stack of index cards, "Artemis…will…you…go…out…with...me… question mark?"

Artemis inwardly groaned but she created a forced smile, "Yes!"

Athena's fruity drink spewed out her nose, "What!?"

Aphrodite's hand flew to her mouth, "Gasp!"

Demeter faked amazement, "Well call me a squirrel and shove a pinecone up my nose!" Everyone stared at her for a moment. She shrugged, "You pick up slang down on Texas cattle ranches."

An announcement came over the loud speaker. "All campers report to the mess hall immediately for dinner! Then you will receive your next activity!"

Poseidon was still reading off his cards, "Artemis…would…you…like…me…to…escort…"

"You can stop that now." Artemis said quickly.

Poseidon relaxed, "Did I do a good job?"

Hermes crumpled up a soda can and threw it to the mess hall floor. Like quick silver Demeter had risen to her feet and smacked Hermes upside the head, "Recycle fool!" She returned to her seat like nothing happened.

"Hippie Woman strikes again!" Apollo muttered. Just than Artemis and Poseidon entered the mess hall.

Athena rose to her feet and pointed, "I told you!"

Apollo's jaw dropped, "Get your paws off my sister!" He lunged for Poseidon but Ares and Zeus held him down, "Artemis! I thought we had something special!"

Artemis looked at him confused, "What are you saying? We're twins!"

Prometheus entered the room followed by Calypso who was strangely shooting Zeus fawning looks.

"Well I'm glad to see that romance is already blossoming because tonight's camp activity, or should I say activities, are spin the bottle and truth or dare!"

**AN: I still need good ideas for activities that the gods can participate in. I'm thinking something like they have to face their biggest fears or something. R&R please. **


	7. The Good, the Bad, and the Stupid

**Disclaimer: I don't own Greek Mythology for the last time fool!**

**AN: Hestia, Hades and Persephone probably will make an appearance in the next two chapters.**

**The Good, the Bad, and the Extremely Stupid:**

"Yes! Whoohoo!" Hermes yelled. It was time to score with Calypso! Who was…hugging Zeus? Hermes face turned reproachful, "Hey! I thought you said you were allergic to the opposite sex!"

"Wow. You just can't take a hint can you?" Athena muttered. Hermes being totally clueless was nothing new. But the strange hookups… This was getting fishy.

"I only like men that don't wear Pokémon boxers," Calypso responded, her arms around a very confused Zeus, "Like my Sky guy."

"Don't be dissing Pikachu!" Hermes screamed. Then he blinked, "Anyway. You can't prove those were _my_ boxers!"

"You wrote your name on every pair." Calypso countered, "Forming a love letter with your boxers is _so_ creepy! And besides, you spelled my name wrong!"

Hermes covered his face with his hands, "Stop making fun of me!"

Prometheus clapped his hands for silence. That may have worked on kindergarteners but it did little to control the puberty inflicted gods. You could feel the tension, attraction and mild stupidity in the air. Or maybe that was just the indigestion from the bean burritos they had served for dinner.

Atlas brandished a kitchen knife threateningly, "Shut up! You lowly little cockroaches!" That had a much better results. It was so quiet you could hear Hermes sucking his thumb and whimpering.

"Thank you Atlas. Now everyone form a big circle. Boy, girl, boy, girl please." Prometheus ordered. The gods pushed away the tables and sat in the middle of the floor. Dionysus and Hera were clinging onto each other like a pair of leeches.

Zeus sat next to Hera and glared at her, "You disgust me! But I've found someone else. And her name is Calypso. She's everything you weren't, and plus she's hot."

Hera giggled as she ran her hand through Dionysus's greasy hair, 'Yeah whatever."

Calypso squealed and gripped Zeus's arm, "We're going out! Oh my gosh I love you honey cakes! I know this great little restaurant and we can have so much fun…" Zeus quickly began to regret his choice. Hera wasn't even getting jealous.

Prometheus twined his fingers together like a mad scientist. "So the rules for this activity are very simple. We will go around the circle starting with Hermes and ending with Athena. I will flip a coin, heads Truth or Dare and tails Spin the Bottle. If you cannot complete your activity you are kicked out and the last one standing gets no chores for a month."

Hermes raised his hand, "Does that include cleaning the latrines?" He shuddered. Those accursed bean burritos.

"That is a _chore _Hermes. So yes." Prometheus said. He pulled a nickel out of his pocket and flipped it, "You're up Hermes and you get Truth or Dare."

Hermes's lip quivered, "Truth." He squeaked.

"Besides the super cookie incident what is the thing you are most ashamed of?" Prometheus asked. All the gods looked at Hermes eagerly. Hermes's lack of intelligence was a form of free entertainment.

Hermes started to sweat. "Um…um…" Everyone leaned in closer and then Hermes exploded, "I knocked Apollo's toothbrush in the toilet and then put it back on the counter without washing it!" He bawled.

Apollo's eyes bulged, "Dude you cannot be serious! That is so gross! Does anybody have a tick tack? A rabies shot?"

"Next up, Demeter!" Prometheus flipped the coin, "Truth or Dare?"

"Ooh dare!" Demeter cried eagerly. Her crazy grin and hair full of leaves and twigs made her look demented.

"Run naked through a poison ivy patch." Prometheus announced raising his eyebrow.

"That? So easy! I do that all the time!" Demeter exclaimed waving her hand.

(This scene has been omitted due to rather disturbing content)

"I think I've been scarred for life." Zeus mumbled slamming his head on the ground.

"Don't do that!" Calypso cried, "You could damage your face!"

Prometheus was rubbing his forehead. _Great. More gray hair. _He thought. But out loud he said, "Okay! It's Dionysus's turn! Spin the bottle!"

Dionysus shook his head, "Nuh-uh. I only kiss my darling Hera-Wera. I'm going to bed." Athena rolled her eyes, like Dionysus was actually faithful to anybody. He was too drunk to usually notice who he was making out with. Or if it was even an animate object or not.

Prometheus made a little mark on his notepad, "Dionysus is out! Now it's Hera's turn. Truth or Dare?"

Hera considered it for a minute, "Truth!"

"If your boyfriend was cheating would you take out your anger on him? Or the girl he was cheating on you with?"

Hera blinked, "Is this a trick question?"

"Yes. Now it's Zeus's turn! Spin the bottle!" Prometheus called. He handed Zeus an old coke bottle. Zeus anxiously spun it. The bottle finally landed on… Aphrodite.

Zeus pumped his fist, "That's what I was talking about baby! Whoohoo!"

Calypso was heartbroken, "But I thought you loved _me_ Zeusypoo?"

Zeus shrugged, "This is a game. I want to win. It's nothing personal. Oh and P.S. you really can't hold a candle against the goddess of love and beauty."

Calypso gasped and Hera pointed an accusing finger at Zeus, "This is why I broke up with you, creep!"

The game went on until it was finally Artemis's turn. Athena had cunningly devised a plan. Artemis seemed to be the only one she could test it out one. Artemis had to spin the bottle. It looked like the bottle would end up pointing at one of the mess hall chairs. (There had been a _lot _of making out with inanimate objects) but a little breath was just enough to make the bottle point at…Poseidon.  
Artemis gasped. She couldn't do this! This whole plan had gone way too far! She would just have to give up and clean the latrine. But little did she know that right behind her was Eros and a golden love arrow was speeding toward her as fast as her own arrows hunted down men who got in her way.

**AN: My computer says this is four pages long so it should be of decent length. But my computer has lied to me recently so I wouldn't trust it if I were you. Thanks goes out to everyone who sent ideas! Right now I need some as to how I'm going to get Hades, Persephone and Hestia into this story.**


	8. The Curse of the Raging Baboon

**Disclaimer: I do not own Greek Mythology. I also ran out of funny disclaimers.**

**The Curse of the Raging Baboon:**

Athena tried to warn her, "Duck!" Which by the way, you should never yell out in a crowd of idiots and hippies.

"Where?" Hermes asked looking around.

"What kind?" Demeter asked between scratching her multiple rashes.

By the time Athena could explain it was too late. Artemis had been hit and proceeded to make out passionately with a very surprised Poseidon. Zeus shot him a thumbs up and Apollo fainted.

Five minutes later Prometheus butted in, "Okay Artemis you can stop now." She reluctantly sat back down, pouting. Prometheus shook his head, "I'm going to get some coffee." Then he left the room. Big mistake.

Poseidon gasped, "Air!" Then he scratched the back of his head and looked confused, "Don't you think the plan went too far Artemis?"

Artemis just giggled but Athena narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "And what plan would that be?"

Her tone should have set off a lot of alarm bells in his brain but unfortunately it was still suffering from oxygen deprivation, "The one where the little known Olympians would start a big mess and get famous from it."

Athena gripped the Spin the Bottle bottle in her hands threateningly, "Who was in on this _plan_."

Poseidon realized he was in mortal peril and started to stammer, "I don't know nothing!"

Athena slammed the end of the bottle hard on one of the mess hall tables breaking of the back end and leaving her with a jagged weapon, "Number one, you used a double negative and your sentence was translated into I _do _know _something_. Now if you do know something you better tell me right now!"

Hermes hid behind a chair, "Scary war goddess." He blubbered.

Poseidon started to bite his nails nervously, "Um…" He looked at Athena's enraged face and did the math in his mind. An angry goddess of war who had never really liked him plus a broken bottle as a weapon equals pain. He decided he'd better talk, "Well Demeter was in on it, I was, Hera was, Dionysus was, and of course Artemis was because she thought of it. Please don't kill me!"

Demeter shook her fist, "Rotten little squealer!"

Athena turned to Artemis, "How much do you remember of this plan?"

Artemis batted her eyelashes, 'I don't remember anything except being totally in love with that irresistible hunk of man."

"The one curled up in the fetal position sucking his thumb?" Athena asked skeptically. Something didn't add up. Namely that arrow.

Artemis frowned a bit, "Well he looked better in my dreams of our wedding."

Aphrodite clutched her hands together, "That is so sweet."

"I know. I created it." Said a voice. Suddenly a really short flying teenager appeared out of nowhere.

Athena groaned, "Eros! I should have known!"

Eros turned to Aphrodite, "Mommy!"

"Son!" Aphrodite squealed. They hugged and Aphrodite pinched his cheeks, "Have you and Psyche broken up yet? I'm telling you that girl is no good."

Ares looked at Aphrodite surprised, "Wait. How old are you?"

Aphrodite held up her hands in a 'duh' gesture, "Teen pregnancy is no laughing matter."

Prometheus took this inopportune moment to return with his coffee. He studied the scene in front of him. Hermes still cowering behind a chair, Poseidon crying silently in the corner and Ares and Aphrodite talking about child support checks.

He blinked once. Then twice. He took a deep breath, "You're all disqualified!" He announced.

Zeus frowned, "Why?"

Prometheus picked the first thing that came to mind, "Athena broke the sacred Spin the Bottle bottle." Then he got a great idea for a new activity. He sat down in a chair and shook his head sadly, "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. But the curse is now upon us, scratch that, upon _you_."

"How stupid do you think we are?" Athena asked.

Prometheus looked from Hermes to Poseidon to Demeter, "Let's just say the average isn't good. Anyway, the curse clearly states that anyone who gets disqualified will, in the next few days, get a visit from…DEATH!"

Everyone jumped. "Does anyone have a pair of clean underwear?" Hermes asked whispering.

Eros laughed nervously, "Better be going now." Then he disappeared. Hera shook her head, "Why don't I remember anything that happened today?

Artemis looked puzzled, "And why am I chewing gum?"

Prometheus ignored their questions and continued chanting, "You are cursed with the curse of the Raging Baboon. One of you will not be here much longer."

**AN: Where am I going with this? Wouldn't you like to know? And yes Athena is goddess of war. Not battle strategy. Though she's good at that.**


	9. Friday the Thirteenth

**Disclaimer: Ooh! I'm not putting a disclaimer up! I'm bad and I know it.**

**Friday the Thirteenth:**

It all started when Aphrodite was taking a shower. The other gods and goddesses were sitting around the fire circle playing checkers. Artemis was trying hard to save her reputation, "I swear I don't actually like him! At first it was all a joke and then…"

"You discovered your true feelings for him as you watched a chick flick and realized that your whole life was a lie?" Demeter suggested as she was beating Hermes once again, "King me sucker! Muhahaha!" Hermes looked like he would rather be anyplace other than here. Except possibly the latrines.

Artemis blinked, "No I was shot by Eros's arrow."

Demeter shrugged, "That would have been my second guess."

Artemis appealed to Athena. Athena hadn't been talking to her since the incident had occurred. But Poseidon had to Artemis's anger and disgust. He was in the infirmary at the moment for reasons better left unknown.

"Come on Athena! You don't actually think that I would fall in love willingly! Look at what I have to work with!" She pleaded pointing at Zeus, Hephaestus, Ares, and Dionysus sitting across from them. They were having a burping competition. It quickly became an armpit farting competition. Then just a plain old fart competition.

Athena nodded, "I believe you. You just happened to pick one of my worst enemies to act with." She said coldly.

"How could Poseidon be your worst enemy?" Artemis asked incredulously.

"I hate stupid people." She replied simply. Artemis nodded. That made sense. A lot of sense actually.

Athena surprised Artemis by changing the subject completely, "What do you think of the 'curse' Prometheus was talking about?"

"I don't know. I wasn't myself when I heard it. But I'm betting that he's just trying to scare us. Gods can't die." Artemis said rationally.

Suddenly a piercing scream pierced through the sound of farts. Aphrodite ran out of the communal showers screaming hysterically with only a towel wrapped around her. Athena shot Artemis a look that said 'there goes your theory. Now I must apply my enormous brain power to save us all. Again'.

Aphrodite ran up to them her hair still wet and dripping. She started to babble, "…"

Athena interrupted, "Could you slow down please?! Oh, _never _say OMG in front of me. I despise chat speak."

Aphrodite stared at her blankly then began her rant again, "OMG I was taking a shower and then some weirdo came in and started stabbing a knife through the shower curtains! I was lucky to escape alive!" She ran off screaming in the opposite direction looking for someone who would actually care.

The others just stared in stunned silence. "Um…maybe she was trying to get attention?" Artemis suggested weakly.

Zeus stared after her, "That's a _great _way to get attention!" He exclaimed.

Ares cracked his knuckles threateningly, "You better never look at my girlfriend again or I will rip your face off!"

Zeus's eyes flitted back to Aphrodite's running form. "I saw that!" Ares bellowed. He body slammed Zeus.

"Dog pile!" Hermes yelled throwing himself into the fray. Athena and Artemis watched from a safe distance so they wouldn't get covered in blood. After a while Athena shot Artemis another look. It said, 'If you're sane come with me'. They walked unnoticed to the communal showers, the scene of the crime. Athena examined the curtains.

"Slashed to bits," She declared, "Aphrodite was obviously telling the truth. To make things worse the precision of the cuts suggest that the weapon of choice was an adamanteum knife. Which is… "

"…The only thing that can kill immortals." Artemis finished. Now she remembered why she had made her plan. Athena could be such a wind bag sometimes.

"Exactly." Athena said looking a little annoyed at being interrupted.

Artemis looked around, "So we've been cursed and now there's a crazy potential murder on the loose in the camp with a weapon that could actually kill us?"

"Yes. Also, note the fact that it is Friday thirteenth. Put it all together and…" Athena started.

"We're screwed." Artemis gulped.

****

"Wow that's a horrifying story Aphrodite!" Apollo exclaimed. After the others had done absolutely nothing to help her plight Aphrodite had run to the only god left who was not in the infirmary, Apollo. He had been in the woods expressing his feelings in song. He had been in the woods because his singing was even worse than his poetry.

"I just came to you because you've been abandoned too." Aphrodite sniffled. The fact that he was hot and available was just an added bonus.

"Yes. First Daphne and now my own sister." He said sadly. No need to mention a certain other incidents *cough* _Cassandra _*cough*

"I can't imagine a girl who'd rather be a tree than be with you." Aphrodite murmured batting her eyelashes flirtatiously. They then proceeded to make out much longer than humanly possible, which made sense because they weren't human.

Suddenly they heard a shuffle in the bushes. "I think we're being watched." Aphrodite said.

Apollo looked nervous, "If it is Ares…I was never here." He whispered.

Aphrodite looked confused, "But you're here right now!"

A short muscular man burst out of the bushes. He was wearing a hockey mask and carrying a large chainsaw with blades made of adamanteum. He also had goat hooves. Apollo and Aphrodite screamed. Loudly.

****

Athena and Artemis had called a meeting. Everyone had turned up with the exception of Apollo and Aphrodite. Even Poseidon, Ares and Zeus were there. In wheelchairs of course but they were still _there_.

Athena grasped a stick tightly in her hands. The others didn't know if it was for emphasis or to beat up anybody who didn't raise their hands. They didn't want to know. Athena cleared her throat and began to speak, "As most of you know Aphrodite was attacked in the shower this morning." Snickers could be heard from the crowd. Athena glared at them, "Artemis and I investigated the scene where the incidents took place and discovered that the attacker wielded an adamanteum knife."

Everyone gasped except Hermes who just stared blankly ahead eyes uncomprehending.

Athena swung her stick impatiently, "Adamanteum?" She hissed.

"No spreken the smarticle." Hermes replied a fly buzzed around his head.

"Adamanteum is bad Hermes." Artemis said before Athena could lose it. Artemis was rather annoyed. It seemed like Athena had completely forgotten that Artemis had made that big stunt a few chapters ago so she would get attention. Not so she could be so brutally ignored again.

For the second time that day screams rang out from near the communal showers. Athena sighed, "Aphrodite again. She sure wants to make the most of her 'traumatic experience'."

Zeus wheeled his wheelchair a little closer, "No this scream sounds higher pitched and girl like."

Artemis strained to hear, "I think that's Apollo." Right on queue Apollo and Aphrodite burst out of the forest. Aphrodite was still in her towel and Apollo's shirt had become torn and ragged sometime ago.

They screamed all the way to the gathering around the fire circle. They screamed even when they were _at_ the fire circle. Demeter slapped them back into reality.

"What happened? What did you see?" Athena asked. It sounded more like a demand.

"Why is there lipstick all over your face Apollo? Come closer so I can punch you!" Ares roared.

Apollo fell to the ground gasping for breath, "Making out. Terror. Screaming. Running. More screaming." He managed to wheeze.

"You were making out with my girlfriend!?" Ares cried.

Aphrodite clutched her face with her hands giving her a striking resemblance to that kid from the Home Alone movie. Her towel somehow managed to still cover her body as she screamed, "The psycho murderer is right behind you!" The whir of a chainsaw and multiple screams (and some insane laughter by Demeter) could be heard.

To Be Continued…

**AN: Can anybody guess who the psycho murderer is? I sort of gave it away. Notice how there was more detail in this chapter? I'm tweaking a few chapters to add more details. A revised addition of Chapter one will be up soon.**


	10. More Psychopaths, Oh Joy

**More Psychopaths, Oh Joy:**

The gods stood there and screamed like idiots for five minutes. The psycho with goat hooves just stood there holding his chainsaw in the air. It whirred menacingly but didn't come crashing down on anybody's head.

Hermes tapped Athena on the shoulder, "Is he dead?" He asked nervously.

Suddenly Prometheus and Atlas appeared out of nowhere, literally. Everybody blinked.

"Good job Pan!" Prometheus congratulated. Atlas discreetly slipped a few hundred dollar bills into the murder's pocket. The chainsaw wielding psycho dropped his chainsaw and pushed down his hockey mask. He had a scraggly beard and big green eyes. Protruding from his long russet hair were small goat horns.

Demeter squealed, "You're Pan, god of the wild and panic?! I'm your biggest fan! I've got your face tattooed on my butt!" She widened her eyes crazily, "Wanna see?"

Hermes put his hands over his eyes, "TMI! TMI!" Pan held up his hands and backed away slowly. Then he turned and bolted.

Athena pushed past Hermes, "What is this all about?" She demanded in her man voice.

Prometheus clapped his hands together, "We wanted to see your reactions in the face of danger, so we devised a plan."

"So you were just messing with us?" Artemis asked astounded. There was absolutely no point to this at all?

"I knew it!" Hermes exclaimed. Athena rolled her eyes.

"Plus mortal peril kept you out of our hair for a little while," Atlas grumbled, "It gave us enough time to bring in the new brats."

Athena raised her eyebrows, "What new brats?" She asked suspiciously. After the war the twelve Olympians had been taken prisoner and sent to this camp. But there were other gods out there. Most the Titans didn't care about like Eros and Pan. Others had to go into hiding like Nike, Amphitrite, Nemesis, etc.

Prometheus waved toward the woods, "Bring in the armored car boys!" A large armored car came crashing out of the woods, smashing trees all the way. Demeter fainted in horror.

It screeched to a stop in front of Athena and Artemis. The back door flew open revealing a teenage couple. The boy had straight dark hair hanging in front of his brooding face. His baggy pants sagged despite his spiked belt. On his right hand he wore brass knuckles.

The girl, on the other hand, wore a bright flowery sundress and a pair of sandals. Her long reddish brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was engaged in a fierce argument with the boy.

"It's all your fault!" She yelled.

The boy clenched his fist, "That's bull Persephone! If you hadn't pulled that claustrophobia nonsense we wouldn't have gotten caught in the first place!"

Persephone was aghast, "How dare you accuse me Hades! It just so happens that I am claustrophobic! I hate you!"

"I hate you too!" Hades shouted.

Then they embraced in a tight hug and kissed each other passionately. A little bird flew over their heads and a deer leaped nimbly next to them.

Persephone pulled away gasping, "I love you!" She exclaimed.

"I love you too Persephone!" Hades cried, "Let's never fight again!" Then they hugged once more.

The driver of the armored car got out and shook his head, "They've been like that for miles," he grumbled. He wore a tight muscle shirt and a pair of khakis. He was almost as buff as Atlas.

"You'll be paid extra Iapetus," Prometheus sighed, "But I recall you saying you found _three_ outlaws."

Iapetus looked nervous. Pushing Persephone and Hades out of the way, he crawled into the back of the car. He grunted and pulled out a large steel bow with a couple of air holes drilled in. He set it on the ground gently.

"Step back," he warned, Hermes whimpered and hid behind Poseidon who hid behind Athena.

Iapetus unscrewed the bolts and the front of the box fell open. All the gods flinched and took an involuntary step back. Standing inside the box was… a little girl with red pigtails clutching her hands sweetly.

"Hi! I'm Hestia and I like to burn stuff!" She introduced happily. She batted her eyelashes angelically.

Prometheus stared at her skeptically. She beamed cheerfully, showing off her baby teeth.

"I've never had a cavity!" She exclaimed as if she had read his mind. He blinked.

Iapetus patted Prometheus on the back, "Watch that one," he warned grimly.

Prometheus sighed, "Er…okay then. From now on Hestia and Persephone are on the Fantastic Freaks and Hades is on the X-Losers."

"That's not fair!" Hera protested.

"Life's not fair! Get used to it!" Atlas screamed. Athena was lost in thought. What about the weird curse/prophecy? Hades counted as a visit from death she supposed. The Raging Boar thing was just for theatrics sake but what about one of them leaving?

Team Fantastic Freaks: Zeus, Hermes, Ares, Demeter, Athena, Hephaestus, Persephone, and Hestia

Team X-Losers: Poseidon, Aphrodite, Dionysus, Hera, Apollo, Artemis, and Hades

***

Hades sat down on his bunk bed. He glared at the world. Poseidon and Apollo cowered behind a chair. Dionysus had passed out a couple of hours ago on the floor.

Hades growled and reached out into his pocket. He pulled out a piece of chalk and drew a large box around his bunk. Then he broke the piece of chalk and threw it in Poseidon's face.

"This is my personal space! If anybody goes into my personal space they're dead!" He yelled.

Artemis sighed, "More psychopaths, oh joy."

***

The campfire that night was interesting to say the least. Hermes kept scooting next to Hades.

Hades growled, "Are you trying to be funny? Because I don't find it amusing."

Hermes stared in awe, 'You're my hero. That's why I took the job of guiding souls into the Underworld. I want to be tough like you."

Hades looked at Hermes threateningly, "Drop. Dead."

Hestia skipped toward the fire circle, "Hi!" She said cheerfully. But the moment she caught sight of the flames. Her grin changed into a grotesque smile. She grabbed a branch and plunged it into the fire, "Ha ha ha ha!" She laughed evilly.

Wielding her makeshift torch Hestia ran in the direction of the main buildings, "I will burn this place to the ground!" She screamed maniacally.

The gods, though shocked, made no move to stop her. Why would they care if the camp burned down?

Prometheus sprang to his feet, "Get her Atlas! Get her!" He ordered, losing a little of his cool. It seemed as if being defeated by a six year old would be the ultimate defeat.

Atlas sprang to his feet and ran after Hestia. Even after they faded from view you could still hear Hestia's demonic laughter. Prometheus took a note pad out of his pocket and jotted down; _Make sure to keep Hestia FAR AWAY from fire, matches, gasoline, anything flammable, etc. _Then he tried to put on a mask of false cheerfulness.

"I have an important announcement to make!" He announced. Just them a brilliant explosion lit up the darkening sky.

"Wow, a mushroom cloud," Artemis remarked.

"Hestia probably got too close to the latrine," Athena figured, "There's enough fumes in there to create that kind of explosion."

Prometheus's right eye twitched but he continued with his speech, "Anyway, when we made up the whole prophecy thing part of it was actually true. One of you does have to leave."

The evening air was filled suddenly with shouts of, "Pick me! Pick me!" and, "If you don't release me from this abhorrent camp I will personally skin you alive," (three guesses who).

Prometheus held up his hands, "That's not exactly what I'm talking about," he said hastily, "Let's just say that there's this job that no one else wants to do. So we need one of you to do it."

"There's a catch isn't there?" Athena interrupted. Nothing was free in this world except the things you didn't want.

"There's actually a lot of catches," Prometheus responded, "One of them is that the person who has to do the job needs to be a bumbling moron."

Everyone looked pointedly at Hermes who just stared back blankly.

"Is there something in my teeth?" He asked, blinking.

**AN:** **Longest chapter yet! I've gotten a lot of reviews saying that there were similarities between this and the ****Percy Jackson and the Olympians ****series. I personally love that series. I have written two fanfics for it. But I'm not really seeing anything similar besides the Greek Mythology aspect and possibly Mr. D (who was banished to camp in the PJO series) who is notably drunk in my story. If anything I would think that this story shares a lot of similarities with ****Total Drama Island****. That is actually just a coincidence, I swear. And the review asking why the gods act like teenagers… I don't know. It is a parody after all. But I'll probably figure some reason out later.**

3


	11. Dawn of the Dimwits

**Dawn of the Dimwits**

"So your plan is for everyone to act stupid and then the one with the most dense gets out of this place?" Athena inquired. Some of the less intelligent gods had sought out Athena for confirmation that their scheme was foolproof. They were not getting that said confirmation.

"Uh-huh, isn't it great?" Apollo asked enthusiastically. Soon he would finally be able to get out of this place and hook up with that nymph again. And that mortal girl as well.

"No," Athena snorted. There was no way that she would ever participate in this.

Apollo's face fell. Aphrodite pursed her lips in what she knew was a cute pout.

"Why not?" Poseidon asked confused. He thought it was a great plan. Even better than the time he planned on choosing the city of Athens for his own. Wait a minute…

"Because everyone knows that Hermes is going to be the one who gets out," Athena said gesturing at Hermes who was sitting in front of the dying fire of the latrine; Hestia had burned down many things last night, staring in awe.

"Pretty lights…" He muttered.

"Er, you may be right Athena," Poseidon remarked. He was about two IQ points above Hermes.

"Right about what?" Artemis asked, walking over to join the crowd.

"That if anybody leaves this dumb place it will be Hermes," Athena explained quickly.

Hermes blinked and turned away from the embers, "Leave? Salir? Αφήνω? Laisser? Eavelay? No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He ran away screaming at the top of his lungs until he faded from view.

Apollo nodded, "Yep, he's going to win."

Poseidon sighed, "Amnday."

***

Hermes banged his fist against the door of the clinic. He had to see the love of his life.

Calypso peered out the peep hole, "Unless you're dying I'm not letting you in," she said roughly. She so did not need this. Ares coming in and out of this place was bad enough. She didn't need the original Looney Tune too.

Hermes clutched his heart, "I'm dying of love for you!"

"Your heart is on the other side of your chest," Calypso said sarcastically.

Hermes hastily repositioned his hand, "I knew that!"

Calypso sighed and still didn't open the door, "Why are you here?"

Hermes heaved a great sigh, "It seems, my beloved that fate works in mysterious ways. My kin is under the impression that I shall soon be departing this land. How I wish I didn't have to leave thee. I am a man who is not in control of his destiny. Even though he has found a woman whose beauty overpowers even Aphrodite, whose melodious trilling voice sounds sweeter than bird song. Only a fool could not fall in love with such a perfect creature. Oh woe is me! Alas, I cannot be with the woman who holds my heart!"

There was a long silence. Hermes was trying to catch his breath after his long speech. Calypso took a deep breath and let out all her feelings.

"Yes!!!!!!!!"

***

"I hope you're not participating in the act!" Persephone exclaimed. She had just learned about Apollo, Aphrodite, and Poseidon's scheme and was absolutely against it.

"Of course not. I will not pretend for this pack of…" Hades trailed off, muttering obscenities under his breath.

Persephone threw her arms around him, "If you left you would miss me right?" She wheedled.

"Of course I would. But I'm not leaving."

"I love you," Persephone giggled.

"I love you more," Hades said lovingly.

"No, I love you more," Persephone said forcefully, frowning.

"I love you more! Now get that through your thick skull!" Hades yelled.

Persephone put her hands to her face, "I hate you!" She sobbed and ran off into the woods. Hades ran after her.

"I love you Persephone!" He yelled, catching up to her in the clearing that had been made by Hephaestus and Zeus's fight a while ago.

She sat down on a piece of hacked off branch, "Really?" she sniffled.

"Of course, I love you more than words can explain," Hades gushed.

Persephone threw her arms around him (again), "I love you too!"

"I love you more."

"No _I _love you way more."

"I said I love you the most!"

***

Demeter hung upside down from a tree growing near the mess hall, "Are you pretending to be an idiot Hera? I heard Aphrodite, Apollo and Poseidon were."

Hera sat on the stairs leading up to the mess hall door, painting her toes. She smirked, "As if! All I have to say is may the best imbecile get the heck out of here."

Demeter swung back and forth, "I'm betting Poseidon's going to win."

"My money is on Hermes. Did you see him running around last night in his underwear singing Christmas carols with the lyrics rearranged?" Hera remarked rolling her eyes.

"Jingle bells

Atlas smells

Demeter grew some hay

Poseidon always controls the tide

And Hades stays away

Hey!"

Demeter sang. Hestia skipped up to them, pigtails bouncing. A few chipmunks and other small furry rodents danced around her. Hera raised a thin eyebrow.

"Hi guys!" Hestia chirped, "What are you doing?" A robin perched upon her shoulder and belted out a tune.

"Watching a Snow White rip-off," Demeter replied coolly.

"Painting my nails?" Hera said uncertainly.

Suddenly the chipmunks didn't look so sweet. Their fur stood on ends and a few started foaming at the mouth. The robin screed harshly.

Hestia's face turned into an expression of utter insanity, "You know nail polish is flammable right?"

Demeter pulled out a water bottle, "Back! Back!"

Hestia hissed and drew back quickly. The chipmunks ran off in all different directions.

As Hestia slunk away she pointed threateningly at Demeter, "Your precious H2O can't protect you forever! If I were you I would be sleeping with my eyes open."

She ran off, laughing insanely at the thought. Hera and Demeter shared a frightened glance. The robin flew over Hera's head and… splat.

***

"Are you guys ready to act stupid?" Apollo asked enthusiastically.

"I was born ready!" Poseidon said seriously. Than he blinked, "Do you ever get the feeling that somewhere, people are laughing at you?"

"I get the feeling that somewhere, people are envying me," Aphrodite said winking at an imaginary camera.

"You're ready!" Apollo yelled.

**AN: Sorry for the late update! Computer problems. Also, apparently my Greek mythology book lied and the metal that could kill gods was not adamanteum but adamant. Oh well, adamanteum sounds better. **


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